Any good men left?

[MermaidKelly]

This is kind of a joke, but, seriously... Are there any nice guys left out there?

A little over a year ago, the guy I was with for 2 years just called me up and told me it was over. It was just random, out of the blue. I am mostly over it now, but still. After having something like that happen to me, and seemingly not having any guy look my way since, it makes me wonder...are all the good men gone?

[thresholdXCI]

Yeah, you can usually find them stuck in 'friend zones' the world over.

[LordTyroxx]

I used to drive 5.5 hours to see my girlfriend every weekend (then 5.5 hours back to school). I'd take her on a date every month. I wrote songs for her. Went to 5 (out of 6) of her community theater performances and brought her flowers for every show. I wrote and mailed her letters by hand when she didn't have a phone or computer for a month. Then she broke up with me and started screwing my cousin (that went to her school). I guess things like that'll change a guy.

[Golbez]

Yeah, you can usually find them stuck in 'friend zones' the world over.

Haha, this. Friendzoned, married or gay I guess.

[MermaidKelly]

Yeah, you can usually find them stuck in 'friend zones' the world over.

Haha, this. Friendzoned, married or gay I guess.

Haha yea it sometimes seems that way!

[MermaidKelly]

I used to drive 5.5 hours to see my girlfriend every weekend (then 5.5 hours back to school). I'd take her on a date every month. I wrote songs for her. Went to 5 (out of 6) of her community theater performances and brought her flowers for every show. I wrote and mailed her letters by hand when she didn't have a phone or computer for a month. Then she broke up with me and started screwing my cousin (that went to her school). I guess things like that'll change a guy.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I was gonna say things like that will change a girl too (in reverse of course), but I guess when you find the right person, everything is ok

I just can't believe I thought "someone" was the right person for 2 years then to have him just up and leave out of the blue!

[Nintend()\/\/|\|312]

I suppose most of the "nice guys" are nice because they worry about people not liking them unless they are nice. People that worry about such things tend to be at least a little shy because they worry more about making a scene or saying something wrong and coming off as obtuse. Or, at least, that is my theory. So, I s'pose, finding, befriending and wooing "nice guys" usually involves a little more work than finding outgoing fellows that are less afraid of being socially offensive. (I think. )

[Rock Lobster]

Speaking!

Yeah, being a kind, sensitive guy like myself has more disadvantages than advantages. For one, as you said, most guys these days can be jerks, making it hard to fit in. It's even worse that, unlike you, girls my age don't seem so interested on a boy's personality in terms of a relationship, which also traps me in the "friend zone." Hopefully I'll meet more sensible ones next year at college...

Also,Nintend()\/\/|\|312 is 100% correct. One of my biggest flaws is my self-consciousness. I'm frequently afraid to say anything to my peers because I think if I say something stupid or awkward people will lose their respect for me, particularly girls.

[Jirachi]

You want honesty or arrogance? cause honestly I would be annoying and that's the least of your problems lol but my arrogant side im the best man ever.

[Skooter]

Be careful of being a Nice Guy®, guys.

And also, the guy that dumped you (OP) was obviously a jerk, but of course there are still good men (and women) around. Just take your time to get to know people, most of them are actually pretty cool.

[Miss Moonlight]

Nope.

Depends on how you look at it. Truely nice people are rare these days in any form.

[LordTyroxx]

Nope.

Depends on how you look at it. Truely nice people are rare these days in any form.

They are in the minority, but not hard to find. You just have to know what to look for.

I suppose most of the "nice guys" are nice because they worry about people not liking them unless they are nice. People that worry about such things tend to be at least a little shy because they worry more about making a scene or saying something wrong and coming off as obtuse. Or, at least, that is my theory. So, I s'pose, finding, befriending and wooing "nice guys" usually involves a little more work than finding outgoing fellows that are less afraid of being socially offensive. (I think. )

Back when I was a (more) nice guy, i had this idea of what "the perfect guy" would be like, and I tried my hardest to be like him every chance i could. I read books on etiquette, I (still) visit websites like this, and imagined myself to be in a fairy tale. I, myself, don't know any other guy that thinks he's a main character in a fairy tale (or admits it, at least), but my current girlfriend does. We've been dating for about a year now with absolutely no issues. While i'm a very shy person around strangers, i don't think this is because i fear seeming out of the ordinary around people. I'd talk to people more if i knew what to say and not sound stupid when i said it. But that's another issue altogether

[Devil_Rising]

@MermaidKelly

Sure, there are plenty of "nice" guys out there.

But see, at least in our American society, there's a bit of a problem with being a "nice" guy. Generally speaking, "nice" girls, tend to seem to stay away from "nice" guys, and instead gravitate towards the a**holes that act nice just to get in their pants, and then use them, maybe even abuse them, and then leave. Then these "nice" girls go through a string of such relationships, until they either become man-haters, and believe there ARE no nice guys in the world and that men are pigs, or they wind up in a loveless marriage to one of said a**holes (see: Bros), and sit around wondering "Why oh why couldn't I have met a "NICE" guy when I was young".

Problem is, they could have, but they were too blind to see it. And then that precipitates the opposite side of the spectrum. You have a lot of "nice" guys, who started out that way, but then get scorned or hurt by NOT so "nice" girls, or "nice" girls who are simply retarded and ignore them for the a**holes. This leads to them also becoming hurt and bitter, and they either turn into one of the a**holes eventually, deciding that if they can't have love, they'll at least get the other stuff, OR, you have the ones who STAY "nice" guys, but are still bitter and hurt, so they pretty much give up on relationships.

Either way, what a mess, eh?

I'm not saying that's the case for everyone who could be considered a "nice" guy or gal, but it sure does seem to be the case a lot of times. I know I myself have been trying to find said "Nice" gal for a long, long time, but to no avail. Perhaps I just live in the wrong area, move in the wrong circles, or whatever, but it's a brutal world out there sometimes lol. (and btw, yes, this has proven to be generally true, REGARDLESS of what that article someone above posted about "NiceGuys", even though that article too might have a slight, though skewed, point. The problem with that article though, is that it is ignoring the fact that what it's making fun of, STILL happens, and that those girls do in fact often ignore the cool guys they meet and want as "friends", in favor of not so cool guys who really DO only want one thing.)

But to reiterate in answer to your question, YES, there is, resoundingly so, quite a lot of "Nice" guys out there. QUITE a lot. More, I'd imagine, than a lot of you girls may think. You just need to start actually looking past the "Oh, he's a great friend but I could NEVER go out with him", and actually see them for what they are.

[MermaidKelly]

Devil_Rising,

That was very well written. I really enjoyed reading it and can understand what you mean. I, however, am not one of those girls who "overlook" good guys and think "oh he's just a friend". (If anything it's the other way around, there are a couple "friend guys" I would be interested in dating) MY PROBLEM IS since I graduated college in 09, and ex broke up with me 7 or so months later, I have no idea where to go to meet guys! I am either sitting at home, at work (try to smile/flirt...gets me nowhere), or out browsing/shopping. I don`t know where to meet men! Do I have to go bar hopping? I really can't since my only friend has no interest in drinking, and I don't have a car right now to take myself. Sorry I know that was long but I'm just saying I try and I wish I could just meet a nice guy SOMEWHERE!

[Devil_Rising]

Understood. And I suppose I kind of have that problem myself. I quit drinking years ago, and even before that I didn't like bars. I wouldn't want to go to bars to meet a girl anyway, because what is the point of meeting someone drunk? So what is there, like you said? Coffee shops? Farmers Market? (how awkward would that be, like "Hey, uh, that's a nice squash you bought.") College classes? Certainly the internet hasn't proven to be very reliable in "meeting" people, and those dating sites are, without question, pretty much bulls***. So....yeah. That is a conundrum, I'll give you that.

And I'd be lying if I said that I haven't asked the same thing to myself before, "are there any good women out there?" What a world, right?

[Blue_Falcon]

Nope.

Depends on how you look at it. Truely nice people are rare these days in any form.

Yes, I believe the real question is "are there any nice people left?"

Not just in regarding romance, but in a general context.

[gtt]

yes there are good men left, they exist in roughly equal numbers as good women.

Be careful of being a [url=<a class="linkification-ext" href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2007/12/explainer-what-is-nice-guy.html" title="Linkification: http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/ ... e-guy.html">http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2007/12/explainer-what-is-nice-guy.html</a>]Nice Guy®[/url], guys.

yea, these kind of guys are some of the worst people.

[Nintend()\/\/|\|312]

Be careful of being a Nice Guy®, guys.

Heh, heh. I love this article! People are not nearly as black and white as we would like them to be.

[Zidane]

Friend zone! Friend zone! Friend zone! Yeaaaaaahhhhh! Horror hotel! (whoops, started singing Misfits songs again...)

[the_nintendo_screw]

Chin up gals and guys. One day you will find someone!

[MermaidKelly]

Chin up gals and guys. One day you will find someone!

[Zidane]

Chin up gals and guys. One day you will find someone!

No I won't.

[Atariadam]

Be careful of being a Nice Guy®, guys.

And also, the guy that dumped you (OP) was obviously a jerk, but of course there are still good men (and women) around. Just take your time to get to know people, most of them are actually pretty cool.

Be careful of being a Nice Guy®, guys.

And also, the guy that dumped you (OP) was obviously a jerk, but of course there are still good men (and women) around. Just take your time to get to know people, most of them are actually pretty cool.

damn, I ended up reading that whole thing, my head esplode.

What a delightful view on such a complex yet simple issue. To the OP, Youll find someone for sure, just dont generalize humans. We are as a mosaic, chaotic up close but beautiful once you take a step back. Goes for Men and Women.

[Berrix]

Be careful of being a Nice Guy®, guys.

Heh, heh. I love this article! People are not nearly as black and white as we would like them to be.

What's interesting was at a time I was once on the border of being that breed, then came along a girl. Things went well in college and throughout, was engaged then things didn't feel right with certain situations. In a nutshell and avoiding dirty laundry, I found out she was hoppin' with my friend of 10+ years (who I brought from another state and got him on his own feet). With what I thought was the most gentlemen thing to do at the time, I walked out after the "confession" they made to me. Cause of such, and the years I was building a future for not only myself and my beloved at the time was embezzled, my name forged and ideas I once had for games (I was at the time pitching it to SEGA) sold to another company, forcing me to face a lawsuit I couldn't win.

After a couple years in seclusion (and some homelessness) I got to see the whole thing in a whole new light. Though some may say I've grown bitter, I'm actually a lot more comfortable (though frustrated with rebuilding my life from square one) with my discontentment of the opposing gender.

If you can't shoot 'em, lord knows you can't trust 'em.

But for those who cling onto that hope, Godspeed.

[the_nintendo_screw]

What's interesting was at a time I was once on the border of being that breed, then came along a girl. Things went well in college and throughout, was engaged then things didn't feel right with certain situations. In a nutshell and avoiding dirty laundry, I found out she was hoppin' with my friend of 10+ years (who I brought from another state and got him on his own feet). With what I thought was the most gentlemen thing to do at the time, I walked out after the "confession" they made to me. Cause of such, and the years I was building a future for not only myself and my beloved at the time was embezzled, my name forged and ideas I once had for games (I was at the time pitching it to SEGA) sold to another company, forcing me to face a lawsuit I couldn't win.

After a couple years in seclusion (and some homelessness) I got to see the whole thing in a whole new light. Though some may say I've grown bitter, I'm actually a lot more comfortable (though frustrated with rebuilding my life from square one) with my discontentment of the opposing gender.

If you can't shoot 'em, lord knows you can't trust 'em.

But for those who cling onto that hope, Godspeed.

This makes me sad. What a terrible thing for both your girlfriend and your friend to do.